I was spending too much time just scrolling through all the social media apps on my iPhone, nights and morning would pass with me not getting anything I wanted to done, because I was like a slave to my damn phone. I did not want Amelia seeing that mummy anymore.
So I gave myself a self imposed ban of at least 48 hours, all I could do was post my 100 days of happy picture and fill in my fitness pal, and one day checking my email for my grocery delivery slot time. One day I even accidentally forgot my phone as it was charging.
Over 50 hours later what did I miss, well other than some likes on my photos, absolutely nothing. I in this time got loads of housework done, I cooked nice meals and I read a really good book. Most importantly Amelia was completely different while mummy was not continuously checking her phone. I also felt much clearer in my mind.
I don’t think I have to say anymore really, social media is great but…
Reading back over this blog, my posts are far to pessimistic and it makes me sound like such a miserable and moany person and really I am not like that at all. Makes me realise that I am more likely to update my blog when I am upset, rather than when something good happens.
To counteract this I have decided to take part in 100 happy days to remind me what I have to be grateful for in life, to look for that happy moment no matter how difficult it may seem on some days.
Height – 5ft 6in
Weight – 198.5
BMI – 32
Waist – 38″
Bust – 47″
Arm – 12.5″
Thigh – 27.5″
2 months in and yesterday was hard work, Amelia went crazy in Sainsburys, and I was really not hungry. Weight loss is going great but now I need to start working on my mental and emotional health. One by one these things are going to get better too. Right now I am just so pleased to be under 200lbs.
Amelia said something so innocent which just completely hit the nail on the head for the way I am feeling at the moment.
I was trying on my smaller sized clothes to see how my weight loss was progressing. Amelia walked into the room and said ‘mummy are you changing too, you and me are both changing but daddy is not!’
No before anyone says talk to him, right now I don’t want to do that. I need to work a few things out in my head first. I just feel this innocent comment could sum up things better than I ever good.
(Oh and the weight loss is going great by the way 😃)
Amelia has been dry at night for months and then when we were on holiday in Malta she wet the bed. I felt awful for her, but her fathers first reaction was to blame me for not putting her on the toilet before bed. Still we move on the holiday carried on without hitch. About a week after we get home it happens again and of course once again the finger is pointed at me.
Fast forward a couple of weeks to last night and she is in my bed with me and guess what happens. I talk to her about it and ask why she didn’t wake me up to tell me and she replies ‘daddy might get angry’. Then again tonight it happens in her bed and I will admit I am not proud of my reaction and that’s why I am laying awake now.
Tomorrow I will talk it calmly through with her and promise myself I will never react like that again, no I didn’t shout or smack but I shouldn’t have acted so very disappointed.
Waterproof sheets have been ordered, (I was silly to not already have them) and tomorrow is another day, we will work through this together, the last thing I want is by wonderful little lady being too afraid to talk to me.
Now must try and sleep or I will be no use to anyone.
Starting weight 212.25 (20.05.14)
Starting the 5:2 diet today, I need to stop being such a bad example to my daughter and prove to my husband you can lose weight if you make a commitment to yourself.
Well I expected a lost after my first fast day, let’s just see what happens the rest of the week 😗
So far two days in to the 5:2 diet I have dropped 4.5lbs. I know this is likely to change so not to get overly excited but right now the feeling is so good and if I can see continual results like this I can see it being a permanent life change.
Okay I was slightly disappointed when I only saw 1/2 lb lose then I slapped myself. It’s that in a day. And my weight could still change by the end of the week. I’m just so glad that finally my body is responding to something.
Step on the scales this morning expecting it to stay the same or a slight gain. So when I saw this result I was what the… Still another 3 days till I log the final weekly result on my fitness pal. I haven’t weighed this little for so long I’m in shock, but I am now starting to see the end of the tunnel, it’s a pin prick at the moment but it feels good.
Took a deep breath and then stood on the scales, wow it had gone down again. Two more days till final weekly result but wow. I really don’t understand the science of it all but I’m happy with the results I am seeing.
I knew there had to be a gain at some point it would be unhealthy for it to keep going down at that rate, but it still feels hlike a disappointment. I need to get over that as it’s the overall result which matters. Tomorrow tells me my weekly result I am hoping it will not go up too much again or in my state of mind at the moment it will not feel worth it. I need to get over myself lol.
Okay up again but a 4lb loss over the entire week is not to be sniffed at. I know where improvements can be made. Things I am eating that I am not really enjoying anymore and I am feeling fuller quicker. I doubt I will over eat on holiday like I normally seem too. Lack of exercise over the bank holiday weekend drove me crazy and that’s something I need to sort as that’s when the weight went back on. Let’s see when happens this week.
I can not believe I have not updated this blog since March, all the things I said I was going to do. I have to ask why would anyone want to read this blog if I never update it, not even me it would seem. It’s not like I have nothing to update about.
So whats changed since March, well our buyer left at work and I am doing more than he actually did and my money has not changed (and before you ask, yes I have spoken to my boss about it and nothing has changed ) basically my job title hasn’t changed so therefore my job hasn’t, I kid you not.
Amelia still adores nursery and thankfully can’t wait to go each day. She is also growing up far too quickly.
I made that big so called brave post about weight lose and what did I do, well it was the normal Rachel response not a lot. Well thats not totally true, I seems to come to a stand still and yoyo around the same weight which was most dis-hearting. Then this week I decided I was going to try the 5:2 diet, it seemed like something I could stick too. So far so good, I will leave a post to only that once I finish my first week which I am 5 days into.
Then in a couple of weeks we are off to Malta, Amelia can’t wait to get there and for me and Sascha it will be a fantastic break from our jobs.
Right off to correct a hopeful complete EMA and finally take this awful nail varnish off.